Again, not dead.



This is more for Tatteh then anything else- CALL ME!!!! MY MISADVENTURES KNOW NO BOUNDS NOW! XD


I'll be posting something intresting soon....

Just so as to not think I've dropped off the earth, I'm alive. Yeah, not a very active Tabber.


Think are looking up, just so you know. Making amends with the blonde. Hopefully going to get her to come with me to prom.


Took a trip last Thursday, and have come back from it feeling more assertive. It's a good thing.


Yeah, I'm not dead or anything.

Just so as to not think I've dropped off the earth, I'm alive. Yeah, not a very active Tabber.


Think are looking up, just so you know. Making amends with the blonde. Hopefully going to get her to come with me to prom.


Took a trip last Thursday, and have come back fromit feeling more assertive. It's a good thing.


Yeah, I'm not dead or anything.

Well, here we are again. Nope....nothing has changed. Still unhappy, alone, angry at myself for my inadequicies and my fear of change, still posessed by an inherent fear of rejection, my viginity is still very much in tact(which really isn't the issue of all this), and still the quiet guy that doesn't really break from the role that he's created for himself that the people now know he won't deviate from.

Psychoanalitically speaking, I'm a filthy fucking coward. I can't take control of my life and make my OWN way. And the best I can do is to "talk" about it all to folks half a world away, who really don't give a shit. I'm not saying that you all are cold, but there isn't really anything to be done from your end.


I sit here in my mild-weather climate, sipping on sweet tea, listening to "As Time Goes By" on the computer. It's 11 pm.


Now, the real issue here is relationships. I can't seem to talk to the brunette I mentioned last time for whatever reasons, and I don't have the gusto to call the blonde. The only two women(out of family) who talk to me are 1)in a relationship; of the nature that mocks my situation; fucking her "BF"; and is very fucking annoying to talk to at all; and the other is 2)just getting over a PAINFUL break up with her(wait for it......) Fiancee, which has put her in the "all men suck ass" mood, and while I don't blame her, she knows I'm a nice guy who hates to hear about guys who break up with their fiancees 4 months before the wedding after planning it for a year, but she still makes the harsh and often painful generalizations while I'm just sitting in front of her, and I can feel them being directed at me, even though they aren't. The second girl is really sweet when she just kinda sits around, not really thinking of anything, but we're aquaintances at best. She's a sweet person, and like I said, it hurts to hear about her situation. I hate those kinds of things, and I hate it even more that I know that I can't help in any way I'd like to.


I don't make a real effort to get with girls. I like to think that if they actually LIKE ME, they'll come my way.

But fuck no, they expect me to just saunter up and ask for an already decided answer. They know what they're going to say to me before I even THINK about approaching them- "FUCK NO." The six times I've asked girls to go out with me, it's always been "oh you're such a nice guy, but I don't think so." That's "no" for the sarcastically-challenged. Think I suffer from some odd form of association? Gee, whatever could have caused me to associate "no" with "asking?" Ladies- rejection fucking god-damn hurts. Think about what you say to the kind of guy that comes up to you.


Why. Why do I even bother thinking about it? What is it that makes my stomach feel like a 25 lb weight everytime I give serious thought about these kinds of things? Why? Why? WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY?!?!?!?!


And why the fucking god-damn hell am I STILL an unofficial rep for the Nice Guys of America? Why have I not turned into a total bastardized, mean ass, son of a bitch that I deserve to be? I think I reserve the right to be a total dickhead who only lives to piss people off, but no....I can't even do that.


To all the nice guys who are still unsuccessful in this area- don't even try. Just put that tasty looking bullet in your head. It'll all be better that way.


To the ladies who are presumptuious and make a mockery of what the nice guys are trying to do for you- fuck you all. You are undermining society. You deserve, but sadly don't get, a slow death. I hope that the asshole boyfriend that you chose over us pummels you into a thick bloody pulp, or rapes you in your house and leaves you for dead and pregnant. You reap what you sew, and fully deserve it.

Seems to be a terrible pattern, doesn't it? I can't go for too long without having a really shitty day just kind of hit me.


I may have just hit the wrong side of the bed this morning or something, but I was feeling fine earlier, now I feel irritable, frustrated, and depressed. Alright, here's my petty problem (and yes, compared to other problems I've had before and those had by others, this is pretty fucking petty)- I guess there is some association going on in my head, or perhaps it's because I'm frustrated in more ways than one, or perhaps....

Wait. Before I get into this too far, let me fill you in.

Two years ago, the love of my life (literally), who I was too afraid to act on, slipped away from me. She and a very good friend of mine fell IN LOVE with each other. At the time, it hurt like hell. Now, I'm better about it. I don't resent it at all, and I hope that they wind up married, b/c they both deserve to be happy. Now, that girl was a small statured brunette with pretty blue eyes. A wonderful combination, IMHO.

Now, the earlier entry about the blonde? Well, that possibility fizzled out about a month ago, thanks to my most hated enemy- Captain Morgan's Spiced Rum. I'm serious, it's the only alcohol that will make me sick to my stomach after one shot. But yeah- I killed any hopes of the blonde, so I'm back to my sexually frustrated self AGAIN.

Now, I have this smart, witty, and just outright beautiful junior in a class. She is a brunette too, so that's why association had come to mind. I like her. She's great to look at in the middle of class, and she'll hear a funny joke or comment I make and kind of laugh along.

I'm wondering if I should even bother asking this girl for the time of day. I'd love to take her out sometime, or take her to prom or whatnot.....but I can't even fathom how, what, or when I can ask her anything. I've been playing the "quiet nice-guy" card again, as usual...



...but I'm beginning to think, that after 6 years of being the nice guy, perhaps I should start bringing a flask to school, and getting my courage through a bottle. I've never been good at approaching women, because every time I have ever even tried, I've been shot down. The blonde girl came to me, and yeah, obviously, I managed to fuck that up royal.


I dunno. I don't think I'll even bother. Why should I? For maybe a few weeks of happiness just to fuck something up and retreat even further into my shell? To try to break my introversion, and only wind up making a hermet crab look like glasnost?

I'm not really looking for advice. If I can get it, thanks. This was just a small sample of what goes on in this head of mine. Thrilling, isn't it?

What sick fuck decided that this would make a good day to celebrate? And what the fuck is up with the marketing of it? I'm sick and god damn tired of having to see this shit. And for some reason, my stupid-ass fucking facist school has posted signs on the front doors that say "No Valentine's Deliveries of ANY KIND!" Why am I still putting up with shit like this?



I despise this shitty holiday and all those who celebrate it "wholeheartedly." Ha-fucking-ha.



Yeah, odds are you didn't come here to listen to me pitch a bitch about this, but I don't give a flying fuck. I've been spun into a dimension of pissed off I've not been in in a loooong time. All you pretentious fucks that just love V-day can all go to hell. I'm sick of seeing couples in the hallways and on the streets hugging, or fondling each other on a park bench, or playing tonsil-hockey. And the next fucking balloon I see coming down the hallway or out in town, I'm gonna pop the damn thing. Next batch of roses that comes into my line of sight will be smashed under my foot, then burned(kinda like I've been before.), and anyone that even thinks of opening a chocolate near me is gonna be eating through a straw for the rest of their lives.


Fuck it all, and fuck all of those who like it.

For those who agree with my GENEral feelings- great. At least I'm not totally alone.

Edit- ain't I just a happy-go-lucky son of a bitch?

Well, it has been a while again. This time, both Christmas and my birthday have passed. Say hello to an 18 year old Gene Wayneright! :D The pwnage don't stop there though.


Christmas presents recieved- Hitman 2, Max Payne 2, NFS:HP2, Silent Hill 3, MOH:Rising Sun. And for movies, we have a selection of originals- The Blues Bros., Grosse Pointe Blank, Scarface(big black box ed.), and Pirates of the Carribean.

Alos got a neat little beard/mustache trimmer and a Cowboy Bebop shirt, a nice new leather waist-coat, and a SWEET ass black wool Fedora. I am teh mansecks.


Birthday gifts recieved- money money money. I now have over 200 bucks to my name. Also got some FAN-FUCKING-TASTIC news to report about something that happened that night. Here, let me put in perspective for you- blonde, 17, 9pm-12am, nice secluded park behind a building, big 2 person swing, lips that were just fucking soft as a down pillow, 38C breasts(which made a VERY welcomed appearance), and an ass that you could set a god damn protractor to. I'll talk more l8er. God damn was it just awsome though....

I'm at school again.....


Well, I'm gonna just start posting random shit up here if school doesn't prove to be interesting anymore.... o_o


Yawnage. Oh well. If you're bored here, go click on Trent's page. He's infinitely more interesting than I.


Edit- oh wait a sec. I forgot that I DL'ed something new on Sunday. I now have the demo of Max Payne 2. I'm quite amazed that the game even RUNS on my comp. Well, it runs, as in, I can play the game, but it lags up and the sound will die every now and then. Still, the game's mad fun, and I like the "New" Max's actor. The only thing is, the voice doesn't really go with the face this time. And there has been one thing about the game that is beginning to piss me off- why the fuck aren't the Berettas' slides moving?!? What the hell? I play the game, fire off the akimbo Berettas, pause it to see the pwnage of the graphics and detail....and the damn Berettas are fucking static!!! D:<


Still, Dead Man Walking is pretty fun.....

Meh. I just felt like saying something. I'm typing this as I sit quietly wasting away in school. Don't really have much to say ATM....hmm....


Well, go to the links, click on Tatteh's blog, and read my story. I need all the input I can get.

Well, those were the two games I rented. Silent Hill 3 I rented solely for the purpose of beating it. And beat it I did. Ending was lame, but still good.


Manhunt.....holy mother of God....Rockstar has found it's niche- making headlines and garnering press for being able to tout some REALLY dark shit. Ok, let's start with their first real ground breaker- GTA3. This was the first time that a whole virtual WORLD was availible to you. You had the freedom (to an extent of course) to do anything you wanted to. But, this freedom basically meant that you could kill any ol' person walking the streets any ol' time of the day. And steal cars. And pull hitman jobs for local crime syndicates. But still- a good time was had by all. Naturally, this was followed up by, and inproved upon, by GTA- Vice City. Max Payne 1&2 are two more examples of deep, gothic, noirish gameplay. You play a cop who's family is basically killed before your eyes, and you become a lean, mean, avenging machine. Again- good times. Manhunt however...has reached both new heights and new lows. Take snuff films, minus the raping and other sick sexual acts, add MORE bloodshed and violence, and there you go. This game has you killing/executing violent gang members, whose sole purpose in life is to hunt YOU down, by any means. Such as choking them with a plastic bag, or cutting their heads off with a piece of piano wire, or driving a crowbar into their spines, or stabing them in head multiple times with a piece of glass......I'm a BIG fan of violence, but even some of the shit in that game had me cringing. However...once again.... :D in the end, a good time was had. Once you get past the levels where all you have is a melee weapon and start grabbing up automatic rifles, the game really kicks the shit into gear.